Interviewed Out

So, whats up everyone. Just a note... the real world sucks! Job interviews are just not fun to prepare for, it's like homework only it really affects your life. I would rather be song writing, although I do find the nuclear industry really interesting, it's just all this process that makes me a little crazy since it's happening while school is nagging at me with all of its assignments/midterms/group projects.

Any poems/songs/anything?

I dont know kittens, I can't think straight anymore... lemme see.

The Couple.

In my head
i pictured them
an eternity ago

Seeing closeness
far beyond the
average couple shows

and while they kept it
deep within, and didn't
dare to tell

eventually, the
walls they built
so gingerly they fell

...
That's all I got for that.
Writers block?? Sweet mercy no!

Alright kitties, good night and godspeed!

When Pimp Sticks Attack!

So we were walking around Sweden, minding our own business, when to our suprise we were attacked by a giant, aggressive, pimp stick!! It almost had us 'workin' the streets, until Bill subdued it with his super powers then it was as doscile as a kitten. Here's a picture of me holding the domesticated pimp stick:
I highly recommend getting a pimp stick of your own. It inspired my Halloween Costume. However, don't be fooled, we didn't dare decide to keep this little guy. We set him free back into its natural habitat in one of Stolkholms alleys. Besides, if we found the pimp that stick belonged to we would not want to get our butts kicked Swedish Pimp style lemme tell you!

Pimpin' Ain't Easy,

Sheala 

Weird Thoughts

So I was thinking of this weird song I wrote in the shower,

**So cut me deep, and bleed me dry
I have no dreams to leave behind.**

Then there was this other song, I wrote a long time ago...

On My Way

Tell me a story, about the way we were
tell me you miss me, tell me it hurts
tell me love's not just a bitter father leavin' me
tell me life is not the end, it's all in the journey

I wanna be, on my way with you
what I would give, to be on my way with you.

I wanna be, on my way
I wish I was with you again
I wanna be, on my way
We'll pack our bags and fly, away
on my way with you.

Tell me a secret, you know I'll keep it close
If I said I love you now, would you want to know
now we have to go back, to those things we used to face
knowing what we're missing feel our love just wear away
like a rock in the sand, nothing went as planned.

But I wanna be, on my way with you
what I would give, to be on my way with you

Ahhhh Ahhhh

Show me your feelings, as I look through your eyes
show me you love me, even though you can't tonight
I know that you're lost, inside the darkness in your mind
but I just wanna let you know, I hope that you will find
your way back to me, your way back to me.

(C) 2004 Sheala



BLAH. Enjoy.

I'll See you Crazy people around

With much awaited anticipation

Sheala

The Reflecting Pond

Staring at the waves
Pictures forming in my mind
Of bodies below the surface
Slowly breathing in the brine

Lungs lose desire for air
For they forget the taste
Of dancing in the daylight
Of inhaling in your grace

Sleeping softly in these blankets
Holding me snugly to the floor
Of water pressure darling
Let me lay here evermore

My blood deeply longs for freedom
Cut my arms and set it free
Leaving streamers in the water
The last life that’s left in me

you stand staring from the surface
straining to see through the waves
at the girl who once could see you
for now and evermore, she lays

Canadia... my home!

Finally back from Sweden, it was a good time overall I think. Although, for some reason I had this bad feeling about the trip before I left. I think I understand whyyy now. But anyhoo... here's a little poem, it seems this blog has been evolving into a poetry book for a long time now, but this is the first post acknowledging it. My bad.

Wednesday

my heart once beat
only for you
until you left me
it was snapped in two

i have no tape
and cant find the glue
that will bring me the feelings
i want to be true

i'll stay with you dear
if its what you desire
but im not in the position
to set your heart afire

i've no feeling
no soul
no emotions to fly

in the dark
in the hollow
where i silently cry

for the empty
for the not
for the reasons i cant

give my heart
and my body
to the love of one man

but if truth is unveiled
my love you would see
that i want to be yours
i dont want to be free

i cant give you hope
for it may not be right
while i dig through the scars
with my mind i will fight

take my hand
and you feel like you're family

take my time
for it wants to be yours

take my eyes
for in blindness i see you

take my heart
make it feel you once more

Trapped

Am I trapped in you
Or myself, which is true
I linger in your presence
As I wonder

Maybe I’ll always feel this way
After the first want to stay
Leaves me feeling used
Leaves me feeling nothing

A doll who’s filled with questions
But alas she cannot speak
Staring blankly at the ceiling
Feeling useless, feeling weak

Who am I
Invertebrate
As far as I can tell

I’ve no control
Can’t feel my soul
I’m going straight to hell

Steal my fingers
Steal my toes
I don’t need them
Anymore

This earthly life
This body mine
Just throw me
To the floor

My mind is blank
My heart beats slow
Like youth has left me
Evermore

I’m waiting for my
Chance to go
Cause it doesn’t feel
Like life nomore.

Bind my hands
Powerless
Like a tiger in a cage

Once was reckless
Once was fearless
Once was stirred to rage

Summer

June, July, August
The months of the fall
Where feet aren’t beneath
As I float down the hall

Finding joy in the warmth
That summer can find
Throwing me to the tide
Leaving me to the kind

to the ones who I hunted
to the ones who were there
to the ones who did catch
to the ones who would stare

to the boys of the summer
for whom I fell so quick
left my heart, so vulnerable
and my head, so thick

if love is displaced
or withdrawn if you will
leaves me lost in the void
feeling physically ill

but sure as the sun sets
the summer will recede
leaving tears on my pillow
and an ever growing need

First Love

cold ice cream,

the playful wind

a childhood sunset

as the swings creaked

and laughter flew over

the sea of forgotten troubles

the kiss, left waiting

your notes are tears, to me

seeping in the poet's soul

I can't hold you close enough.

Haze

You ask what does love,
represent to me
is it attraction, affection
weighted down, flying free?

Does it keep us alive,
as we stumble through
or is it the poison
slowly killing you?

And I reply...

Love's far from crystal,
it's blurry to me
when I feel it, I'm content
but it melts my memories

the knife of loss
still cuts me deep
pain sharp as the day he died

but love is the haze
allowing me
to be happy inside.

Cracked Eggs, Open Hearts...

Well, this week was eventful. I'm not going to bore you with the school details but there was a lot of waking up at 6 am and going to bed at 2 am... usually when I'm studying too much, I try to delay it with mad poetry writing as you can see by the previous couple of posts. What's the news, what's the 411.. what's going on with me? Well, here's the gist of what's happened since the last post.

1. Witty and I wrote a crazy paper for this conference, and apparently they like it. So we get to fly down to Sweden and say, hey, we're kinda smart, love us! And the school's going to help pay for it. So it will be episode three of Witty and Sheala: The Conference Girls!
   
2. Witty and I got this crazy award from our school. It's the first year they ever gave it out so we're very excited. We basically get paid to learn about things all summer, thank goodness for research!
3. I'm half done exams!
4. I'm planning one week off before I start working. Book it off if you can, or at least one day cause I want to see everyone for goodness sake! From April 26th to May 8th.

Ok well that's it for now!

Good luck peeps, you'll survive

Ashlea

My Night

The dreamer, the poet, the daughter, the child
The pessimist turned optimist,
the faithful reconsile.

My torch, my flame, my light to guide
Lifts me up, through the void
from the whims of the tide.

My grudge, my past, my heart, aflame
running high on the clouds
as you dig through my pain

eyes hopeful with light
like the world is anew.
Ever searching, and questioning
bridging gaps to what's true

The thinker, the planner, the comic, the thief
has stolen sleep, so soundly
peaceful, dreaming, Alexi

Dust

To you it may seem
like you did me no wrong
in the life of a child
you played joy to her song

but ignorant as you are
my smile is hard to feign
when every time I see you,
my heart contracts in pain.

From the wound long ago,
I incurred from the ice
The coolness of your demeanor
as I paid the price.

For a hate that you felt,
not of me, for someone else
I was never the same
at night, I'd cry to myself

'cause to you, I was dust
and you threw me to the breeze
no longer concerned
with my life, with my dreams

if I could crawl back
yeah, sure you'd accept
the heart-broken child
at the end of your steps

over what, one might ask
would one crush a child?
whose eyes were once playful
and whose heart was once wild.

who can't seem to love
she can't set her heart free
from the scars that chain it down
the time you never spent with me.

now six years have elapsed
yes, I got all your mail
that you sent out of guilt
you felt for your betrayal

I stand before you a woman,
not a weak, little girl,
but inside, she is crying
because you were her world.

Poems from a bus 3

Ah, I love the early morning bus rides, if only my brain would SHUT OFF once and a while so that I could stop thinking and enjoy it. Instead, I present you with yet another of my poems. This one is just a reflection, of what you can probably guess... enjoy!

Incarceration

The shroud of night
Enveloping
the daggers of light
lingering
only for a moment
‘till they drive onward
in the darkness

what is it I’m waiting for
mindlessly seeking
who is it that I’ll adore
who’ll leave my heart to weeping

lingering around your door
lost and looking for protection
warm and inviting,
parts the dark sea
with inner light, affection

these thoughts, a line
and one by one
they come with their complaints
telling me, its not begun
and I’m not the type to wait

my heart, subdued
in frozen incarceration
barely beating,
the soft rhythm of distant drums
can you hear it?

Ah! To break this timing
To hear it once again
Be wild and unkempt
In joyous spasm!

How to melt these layers
Quietly accumulating
Of self protection
Of isolation

To dance through the carnage
of warm and luscious water
finally free from its prison
as my heart floats, with childish glee

Power

Standing tall
despite the fall
you wait for me to take

you push me near
edges of fear
but I will never break

I can shiver
I can cry
You can stoop
low as you lie
I'll leave this place
with head held high
without the slightest
slow decline

the weight on me
is amplified
pulling simply to the floor
quietly resolved
in the night
not to take any more

you will smile
like the wolf
sleeping in your mind

when I tried
to be helpful,
attempted to be kind

no, I won't smile back
not this time
not today

I will take back my dignity
you have out on display

but one thing
that I'll leave
is my own disbelief
that someone like you
could act so childishly

Depression

Wow, sometimes when people keep letting you down it can be a real blow to your ego. People you care about, trust and count on.. and then they hurt you consistantly and keep falling though even when you keep giving them chances. Sigh. That's what this poem is about anyway. Peace and Love to all of you.

Depression

My skin is worn

Salty rivers form

Uncontrollable once released

Reflection on self

Stuck me back on the shelf

Numbness envelops me

Weeping for you

All the pain that you spread

Leaving hope slowly mangled

And withered in your stead

you don’t see all you cause

as you float quickly past

break me swift on a whim

shattered pieces of glass

in my eyes there is love

but you avert my gaze

my hands outstretched to you

though you force me away

standing still in the storm

that’s awakened in me

shaking down to the core

when will I find some peace?