Just keep swimmin', swimmin', swimmin'

All around
Submerged in waters
Turbulent seas
impossible to breathe

will our fate be tied
as those around us drown
are we like them,
so easily taken

for now I hold tightly
clinging to faith
in loyalty, trust
in bonds that we make

and easily broken
so simply, we die
fuck everyone else
today, I will try

swimming, for you
all the strength I possess
hold close, my love
we may survive the rest

I have drown before
And we just may again
But for us, I will swim
For as long as I can

Evening of thoughts.

in the dusk of evening glow
i see the contours of your face
as i learn you, what you know
you draw me close in your embrace

the life you evoke outward
is the essence that I crave
fleeing, always my reaction
yet I'm held close by your gaze

you are like the air I breathe
taking a piece of you, in me
never will I capture every part
marking mystery, crucial start

rhythm of life, energy flows
into this cycle, out of control
flying low in the wind,
kissing death as we pass
ending where we begin
complete cycle so fast...

influencing me, a reckoning force
can't help but be drawn in
as you build your own course
fueled by a fire, a strength all your own
let me hold you tonight, you feel just like home

Summer Memories

sweet whispers of life
stolen away
tastes of joy, empathy,
envy, distain

kissing souls,
sampling emotions,
sensory buffet.

curious,
your wonder
diffused to my own
now i'm left hungry for detail
thirst for the unknown

music to my eyes
your presence resides
i'll walk you home
you'll get me high

killing cells
wicsh you well
as you get on your way

take me back
to the court
jury's out on your play

sweetness of laughter
comes to an end
swept up by your current
my fairweather friend

Poems from a Bus part 2

The Moon and Night Sky

Like two secret lovers
Entwined in one another
The darkest of nights
Contrast the brightest of lights
In the purity of their sadness
I stand softly tonight

The night constantly flees from the imminent day
And each time it steals another lunar piece away
Until it seems as though there is nothing left to thieve
Emotionally exhausted, the moon finally takes its leave

But once again, it tires of the loneliness within
and it returns, so gleefully, for the cycle to begin

yet the wondering wont cease,
will there ever be occasion
for the moon to finally flee
without reconciliation

leaving the night to lament
for its unbeknownst affair
grieving softly for the diamond
it once cradled in the air

the game is demonstrated,
perhaps we miss the play
for in this endless clash of love
one will always run away

Resurfacing Thoughts

once again I stand with you
bantering as lovers do
the play I miss
the play you win
my eyes reflect outward
you cannot see in

professionally cheerful
my game is untouched
torn down occasions
you lift me up

pushed forward
pulled back
by opposing sides

moving for progress
staying for sighs

your portrait hangs
outside on the grass
i see you there now
not letting life pass

i'll take you home
walking to the door
move in for the kiss
my eyes searching yours

seize the moment
in your hands
and feel the way it falls

let sense remain a window
to view memories recalled

Invitation to Life

This is a piece of wisdom that was shared with me, definately thoughtprovoking...

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your hearts longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...

I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by lifes betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of future pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let extasy fill you to the tops of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being a human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can breathe accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when its not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from ITS presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure; yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "YES!".

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much you make. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.It doesn't interest me to know where or what or with whom you have studied... I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder

Poems from a Bus

How could I help you
Why do you look
Casting me glances
Attention

Reading people
Like a book
These skills lost on me

the sky a tapestry
a sweep of the brush
reaching to heights
longing to touch

softness a feeling
removed from your view
I shy from the brightness
Intensity, true.

Yes we trek onward
Yes we fall flat
I’m waiting to slip
Looking up on my back

Grass kissing my neck
Life flowing in
trees grow around me
this moment lasting

generations.

Birth to the dirt
Conception to cremation
But the sky,
Still awe evoking
Slipping through the telephone lines

The picture ever broad
Swatches of green and blue

In a sea of grey
We reach to touch
What never reached back to us

Independent sky

Fountains of Creativity

Its crazy man... just when you've got an assignment due, the poetry flows like crazy. I'm not saying its a bad thing, probably just sub conscious procrastonation. So when my conscious mind finally decides not to procrastonate, I have a fully redundant second procrastonation loop that kicks into gear, helping me to procrastonate without even thinking about it. DAMN.. that's a fully developed slacker if I've ever seen one. So, without any further adieu, here is the poem of procrastonation that spilled onto my word processor, so freely last night...


Love is like an unfinished poem
An interest endlessly peaked
By definition, inexplicable and unique

And yet my poems are complete
They no longer tear at my mind
In search of long forgotten answers

Waiting for a bus that never comes
Hanging in the silence of words unspoken
A mindless gaze

Yes, you were a poem
Long written, long forgotten
As your words cross the terrain of my memory
Impressions left, like me, entrenched in clay
Waiting to melt into embellishment

Sweeping on to something new
The times walk briskly onward
Cocking their heads with quizzical looks
As I turn to stare at you

Impartial, the observer
Willing to jump into the sea
The soul is warm
Its aftermath, an awestruck mystery
Close is for the keeping
But freedom brings him joy
Loving from a distance
Ideas flow to his employ

Leave waiting for the dead
Leave willing for the door
Writing quickly to the story
Fighting madly to the floor
I’ll take it till I’m down and out,
‘till I have no more right
Than wrong
The stars can dance,
reflect this trance
That’s held me all along

We are...(rough copy)

The year begins
A slow incline
decievingly alluring

i wait for the impact
for the storm that it brings
the new set of obstacles
ready to pounce

to take to the sky
and watch the fleeting chaos
giving eyes the open view
seeing though all, not just two

to step out of myself
the constraints of this life
to see whats beyond
the boundaries of sense

take perception,
for all its worth
the judgements we place
on this tainted experience

Feelin' Gooood

the tranquil waters
I quickly displace
without a thought
without disgrace

once they seemed
so pure to me,
in distant future lies
and waits

such bliss has taken
and overcome
all that I knew
about the one

that love once lingered
in the mist
until eyes open and
sweetly kissed

illusions waste
such precious time
to take, to laugh
and be alive

Summer of Wonder

I have no idea what has been going on these past four months but it's been amazing.

Living with the swiss guys... this song goes out to them. Thanks for all the sports and for giving me something to look forward to at the end of the day. Daniel and Adrian, you're both very special guys!

Walking into my house
I was doing alright
Doing work was enough
Didn't live at all
Then we played soccer tennis
how did it end up like this
it was only tennis
it was only tennis

Now I'm calling all angels
and watching friends every night
Adrian makes asparagus
while Daniel's pouring the wine

Now I'm cooking dinner
Tuesday evenings at six
Trying to learn German
Now I'm chasing Moses, Schnell

Lets play some poker, now
Grab some clothes

No ID?
Walking down to the Banshee
Look the bouncer in the eye
telling him an awesome lie
It's a good time every day
Adrian's making mix CD's
Going on one crazy drive
livin' with the Swiss guys!

Composing

Songwriting again!
I've been revisiting my past and trying to get out any ideas and emotions evoked in the past few days. However, I know there's still a few songs in my heart that need to be written.
A friend of mine gave me their CD, and I've been listening to it over and over again... It's amazing, I can only hope one day that I will have enough experience to be able to put together something of that caliber.

I've been thinking about a few interesting idea's lately... namely...
1. when you treat somebody badly, they will want you more.
2. when you really try in a relationship, the other person will take you for granted.

two key concepts, and I know this doesn't ALWAYs hold true, it's just interesting to think about.

I'll leave you to a little late night pondering,

Lotsa Love

Sheala

Music on Wallace Street

Woodbridge on a Tuesday Afternoon

Singing to myself, as the pavement passes by
I'm staring at the carcasses of worms dried by the sun
remembering the days I saw them making their way
across the sidewalk

remembering the days when they aspired to different things
to changing their environment to see what it would bring
but now, all they are is a shadow of their dreams
unfulfilled and empty at the mercy of the creatures that decay

every step brings me closer to a chance that i wont take
every step brings apprehension in my chest
every step brings a decision that i've already made
every step is a realization

i dont know how to trust myself
to let others build trust in me
its so hard to bring about a certainty

the humber is always lumbering by
consistantly making its way
it never stops to ask direction
or for personal reflection
confidence oozes from its waves


My days are so interesting, I've been writing up a storm but it's not as good as I want it to be. I am wishing all my buddies the best summer ever. These days I'm trying to purge all the needless things from my life. Starting with my room. All the shat I dont use is going out the door my friends, so watch the second hand stores closely!

Lotsa Love

Sheala

Long Week

Personal reflection occurs too sparsely in my life, and I finally had a little time to just be alone and try to gather my thoughts. For some reason I can't seem to bring any coherant ones together these past few days. Its like I've been rendered thoughtless. I miss so many things in my life, but I forget that I'm the one who'se in charge of what I do.

The past few days at home, I have been more like a university student;
For example I...
...split a whole bottle of Mezcal tequila with a friend of mine, and I ate the worm.
...danced 'reggae style'
...stayed up all night, twice...watched the sky change from black to blue, then barely slept the following day.
...laughed till my face hurt
...wrote two songs
...felt free
...smoked a big crazy Hooka pipe in an Egyptian Restaurant
...won at basketball... that never happens.
...walked for hours
...had actual arguments with MYSELF... lol...

overall, it was amazing. If this we're the whole summer, it would have been worth it. There are some people I miss, but still I have loved this time off and it is so precious.

Enjoy the summer, it's fleeting

Sheala

A New Clear Perspective...

Get it? New.. clear? Nuclear? Hee hee hee!
Anyhoo, I just thought I'd inform everyone about what I have walked away with from the CNA conference we went to. Firstly... it was awesome, secondly... McMaster students know how to party.. but most importantly I learned how CRUCIAL the nuclear industry truly is to our future. We cannot maintain ourselves, or our current pace of energy consumption if we choose to keep using fossil fuels. We have a small time window (about ten years MAX) before we've done IRREVERSABLE damage to the earths natural balance. After this point the earth, which has a natural equilibrium, will no longer be able to reverse the horrible damage we are wreaking upon it. After this point, the water level will rise approximately SEVEN METERS, flooding all low lying coastal cities. Are you interested in helping? Our only option is nuclear power... while Hydro, Solar and Wind SEEM viable they are actually doing more harm than good. If you are interested in learning more I recommend Googling Dr. Lovelock's name.. he is the originator of Gaia theory, and while he was an environmentalist he is also a scientist and he realizes that it is our only viable path. Dr. Lovelock is also the holder of several Doctorates. So, overall one REALLY smart guy. Check him out when you have the chance.

Sheala

Vegetarian Zombie supporting Nuclear Power.

Ottawa Bound

Three Words:
THE MARS VOLTA....
Yes, that's right.. everyone's favorite underground band is comming to the T dot for a concert at the one and only Cool Hause! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee!!! And yes, its on a FRIDAY night, and yes the tickets are relatively cheap ($30). So, those of you interested in attending gimme a message! What else.... oh yeah I'm going to Ottawa tomorrow! So hyped up I could write an Ottawa song or something. It's for this Canadian Nuclear Association conference thingy!! So... freaking WEEEEEE~! I'll fill you in on the deets as they come! It's only for two days, but I'm sure Witty and I will be 'much closer friends' by the end of this trip... right Witts?? ;);)
**don't forget the webcam!**
Oh yeah and we're getting BEAVER TAILS!!! DUDE! And possibly some nachos at the fancy bar in our hotel. But, let us not give away too many of the suprises to come...
Lotsa Love,

Sheala, the vegetarian zombie

**eagerly anticipating a new soy substitute for brains**

Finally remembered my password!

Hello All,

Well I suppose it's update time... what has happened since my last post?
The most IMPORTANT thing, is that my mother had eye surgery. It has been relatively tough on her, so sometimes I get to drive her around but she's been in pain for about six weeks since she had the procedure. It just kind of sucks. Makes me feel really bad for her.

Also, I have been working my pansy ass off in school. It's been hard, but it's not tougher than expected and far from the trauma I pictured engineering to be. Lately, it's been at least once a week where I'll get up at five am and work until maybe midnight, with occasional food/human interaction breaks. However, one time when I was PLANNING to wake up at five thirtyish I had the most awful dream that scared me into awakeness. I had cold sweats, and was shaking.. as I looked around my room hoping that the dream was, in fact, over. The dream felt so much like it was what was really happeneing, and this life that I am living was merely a veil that I had adorned to escape from the horrible truth. This is what happened in the dream...

~~**I was a captain of a space station. Yes, this is relatively cool. Also, I wasn't MYSELF, I was more of a 'Tom Cruise' character. We we're surfing space and time, and all was well. However, we had a run in with some 'hostile' aliens and holding them off consumed most of our resources. We we're left in space without much left to survive on, specifically we we're deprived of food. Eventually... one of the crew members snapped, and started killing fellow crew members. He took over the ship and since we had no food left, he carved up the bodies of every crew member he shot. There we're piles of human carcasses everywhere, slaughtered like cattle, oozing blood. He would sit there and eat them raw... as I cowered in terror at the horrible expression on his face. He would smile as he ate them. While I cried, for all the people who had lost their lives. Then he turned to me... and asked me "Captain, why won't you have a rack of ribs, you used to eat one every night with the crew." **~~

This dream felt so incredibly ominous, and the fear instilled in me still is not even about the fact that he was EATING humans (even though eating meat is still scary for me, even four days after the dream). It seemed scarier to me that we will immeninently run out of resources if we maintain the greedy pace we have set for ourselves. We are the ones 'eating ribs' every night, ensuring wars of the future over whatever minute resources we have left. I don't want my children cowering in the corner, feeling so helpless because humanity has reduced its morals to even lower levels in order to survive. It's our job to take charge, and reduce our consumption even further. Consumption of food, consumption of energy, consumption of resources.
So, personally I will try to eat less than I used to. Try to eat foods that consume less resources like produce which is grown in ontario (less pollution from transportation) and less meat because it costs the most to produce. But honestly, I will never forget the glee on that mans face as he consumed the last of our crewmates...

Very Oddly Yours,

Sheala.

*not so hungry for brains anymore*

BACK... to my future.

"Ahh the sweet, sweet smell of textbooks in the morning."

We're back in the 'Shwa and ready to learn, geared up after the most kickass break ever. Slept in until twelve pm most days, stayed up till eight in the morning on other days. I would like to take this moment to thank everyone for comming to my New Years Party... it was such a blast!! Not only did we get to eat wonderful dishes created/bought by everyone, but we got to enjoy eachothers company in the wondrous zone free from school stresses known as my house. Also, there was hard core gaming.. mainly the awesomeness of X-Men Legends with four player action. And don't forget Dirty Minds... the game I am destined to lose. Curse you brain... always in the gutter! Plus... a game which I tend to lose... strip poker!! Tee hee... it was the BEST TIME I've ever had on new years! Ahh... good to see everyone enjoying themselves. Although it didn't escalate to 'Crunkness'... we maintained a natural drunkenness through sleep deprivation!
Plus.. two nights before I got to party with old friends in the hills of Richmond... sipping ice of coconut, and chucking spheres at pins. With the WC folk whom I love so much. Even though it took us half an hour of being lost to get there... of course I was the navigator... hehee.. and we we're only driving on valleymede for about ten or fifteen minutes, plus it was on my poorly drawn map! Got to see the hottness of Richard, the violence of Jeff, the jovial Matty (with some convincing), the plotting Wisam, the charismatic Christina, the endearing hypocracy of Andrea, and the suprise entry of our own Guyannaman, Matthew. It was a night that didn't want to end... and so, some of us didn't let it. Enter Richard and Jeff gaming all night at my house. So much fun.
Also, I am so happy to say... my cousin Justin finally proposed to his girlfriend of nine years.. Uyen! And she said yes!! I am exceedingly happy for them!
Lastly... I would like to mention that classes are looking interesting this year and already I can feel the looming cloud of stress ready to consume my soul. Yay! No semester is complete without hundreds of hours of homework, labs, classes, meetings, and of course wasting time. A major requirement... done through euchre, video games, talking to friends, eating, cleaning, and even... sleeping! Ahh... good to see familiar faces, and I'm wishing everyone the best of luck in the new year! Let's kick some arse!

Lotsa Love and Best Wishes,

Sheala

your friendly, neighbourhood, holiday zombie!